By William Shakespeare

Ultra-Condensed by Alicia Nesbitt

Hero:
I love you, Claudio!

Benedick and Beatrice:
You're both insane.

Don John:
I'm going to screw things up because I'm not satisfied with my life!

Lots of people:
Let's set Benedick and Beatrice up!

Don John:
Hero's being unfaithful.

Claudio: (at his wedding; to Hero)
I hate you!

All:
ACK!

Friar Francis:
Pretend to be dead for a while. That'll clear things up.

(Hero pretends to be dead)
(Benedick and Beatrice figure out that they love each other, then get into a fight because Benedick won't kill Claudio)
(Dogberry and Verges (the officers) find out the truth)

Conrade: (to Dogberry)
You're an ass!

Dogberry:
I wish the sexton had heard that...

(Claudio feels guilty)
(Hero's not dead)
(they get married)
(everyone dances)

THE END